I only have 2 bills left, a 50 and a 1. One of ’em is a 50, and one of ’em is a dollar. I’m supposed to guess which is which. I’m gonna say that the fifty dollar bill … …is this one. [buzzer] [audience groans] ♪ [Bumper music] The way my money works for me, is it really doesn’t. I mean, it’s all the same size. There’s no way to distinguish between any of the paper money in this country at all (bartender) Hi Tommy! (Tommy) Hi, what are you doing? (Tommy narrating) And it’s all by trust, you know? I have to rely on people. That they’re not going to beat me. (bartender) Can I get you something to drink? (Tommy) Yeah, can I get a pint, the usual? (bartender) Sure. (Tommy, narrating) So what I’ll do is I’ll give them like a $20 bill, and buy a $6 beer, let’s say. [register closing] I have to trust that they’re gonna give me $14. (bartender) Here Tommy. Your change is $14. Fives are on the top, singles are on the bottom. (Tommy) Thank you very much! (bartender) You’re welcome. (Tommy) ‘Preciate you. [bell rings] ka-ching! (Tommy) The way I use money is this. I keep my money in order, from largest to smallest, from bottom to top. Here’s $50, right, that’s a fifty dollar bill. This should be a twenty dollar bill, right here. Here’s a tener, and here’s a fiver. And then I can get you a single in my pocket, if you’d like to see George Washington make the party. You know, and that’s how I keep it all straight. I guess some people fold their money, so let’s take this dollar for example. Maybe they take the dollar, and fold it like, maybe like that or something. Or maybe they take it and fold it, you know, long ways, like this. I’ve seen a lot of girls take their money this way. I guess it’s easier for her to keep track of like this, I’m not quite sure. [cash register closes] You know what, when I use money in public, that’s where it all gets a little bit funny. In 1991, the government passed this thing called the “Americans with Disabilities Act” where all these companies have to adhere to it, but the federal government doesn’t. (bartender) Tommy, here’s your change. (Tommy) The one thing that isn’t accessible in this country is the money! (bartender) $14, fives are on top, singles are on the bottom. [buzzer, audience groans] (Tommy) Have I gotten screwed? Sure, of course. I mean, I couldn’t tell you when. But you know, I know I’ve gotten beat before, sure. (Tommy) You’re so good. Thank you very much. (bartender) Thank you. (Tommy) ‘Preciate you. (Tommy narrating) Robbin’ a blind guy? That’s a lazy crook, in my opinion. (bartender) Oh my god, I feel so terrible lying to you. ♪ [Bumper music] So maybe the dollar they fold in half like this and keep in their wallet like that, right? Or maybe they take the fiver and fold it long-ways like this. I can’t do it. This would be an expensive dance by the way, kids. (Tommy laughing) I can’t help it.